Thursday, December 15, 2016

Ghost of Karl Marx: “They took that bullshit seriously?”

Salem, Massachusetts

The Sisters of Gaea’s Sickle Collective, a witches’ coven and political action committee operating in the New England region held a seance in order to receive guidance from Karl Marx regarding the outcome of the Presidential election.  Gathered together in an amorphous, non-binary, gluten-free mass of bodies which they described as, “organic”, the participants used a copy of the US Constitution as kindling to light a sacrificial effigy of Ronald Reagan sprinkled profusely with a mixture of medical marijuana and bath salts in order to summon the spirit of the deceased political philosopher.

After several minutes of the group chanting the mantra, “we are the 99%”, a ghostly apparition coalesced into the appearance of the famed, Father of Socialism in a cloud of vapor which smelled of nitromethane, CLP, burning rubber and spent gunpowder.  Greeting the adoring women by loudly shouting, “Hey ladies!  Show me your tits!”, the German lawyer displayed visible disappointment at discovering that the summoning group was seeking his wisdom in enacting The Communist Manifesto worldwide.

Dressed in an Article 15, “Zero Fucks Given” t-shirt and carrying an ever-full Ranger Up, “Whiskey and Bad Decisions” glass of Jack Daniels, the 19th century dilettante addressed the crowd, emphasizing his words by gesturing drunkenly with a Kaila Cummings custom knife.

“Are you people fucking with me?”, he asked incredulously, “Have you no comprehension of satire?  That whole Manifesto thing was a prank I played on John Keynes”.

Members of the collective attempted to explain the attempts made at creating a socialist utopia by illustrating the USSR, China, Myanmar, Vietnam, Cambodia, Cuba and Venezuela, to which Marx replied, “bullshit!” and then vanished.

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